Why the four year gap?
The below is an extract from my journal which I wrote the day we found out I was pregnant, at 4 weeks exactly. Just like many women before I did the test I knew, what I didn’t know was whether this one would be different.
Firstly it wasn’t intentional we had planned to have our children closer together. There is 3 years between myself and my brother and my hubby and his sister. So for us three years was about right. However fate had other ideas and I have suffered several miscarriages in the last 12 months. A complete shock and to be honest denial for several months. Why? After all miscarriage is a common occurrence especially in second pregnancies and one generally us ladies find difficult to talk about. It wasn’t until I confessed to my mother the issue we were having that she told me about the miscarriage she had had between my brother and me.
It was compounded by the fact that when trying to fall pregnant the first time I barely only had to look at my husband. Apparently our gene pool works getting pregnant wasn’t the issue. Holding onto them is. I felt completely let down by my body why was it not performing what it was designed to do – reproduce? I decided it was time to seek medical advice and asked for a referral only to discover my private medical didn’t cover it. But by this time I was in the NHS system and started the slow process of getting to the bottom of things – in total it took about 9 months from the point of the first miscarriage to the correct diagnosis.
In April I was confirmed as having a condition known as sticky blood or Antiphospholipid Syndrome, which had affected my thyroid function and meant that early miscarriage was more prone. So was still birth, its likely I would have had the condition with Monkey too but he was a fighter. And this sole fact gives me hope! Currently I am now pregnant with our second to be precious baby, meaning that it will be born assuming all goes to plan just before Monkey’s 4th birthday. Initial delight is slowing turning to fear and worry. The picture in my head of our happy 2.4 family is starting to curl slightly round the edges as I try to block out my paranoia. At just 4 weeks I am already wondering if this baby has the fighting spirit of its older brother. Every twinge unnerves me, is the cramping a sign of miscarriage or just the normal cramps that come in the first few weeks? Dare I dream of the wonderful heart felt moments of holding a new born?
We are on holiday at the moment so I can’t go and get my thyroid tested or visit the early pregnancy unit to get the drugs they have recommended I start once pregnant. All I can do it accept it and try not to worry, something which is really difficult when you are a control freak like me!
This is not a normal post for me, but I want to share our story so that other women with the same health issues as me can take comfort in the fact they are not alone. Sticky blood is not commonly diagnosed and until you get into the system and see the consultants you can feel very helpless.