This is a collaborative post
It’s an invisible feeling. There’s no tangible evidence; the laundry is folded, there’s nothing clogging the drain, the backpacks are all packed up…but your brain is already working on the next day’s lunches, finding that missing gym suit, knowing if you’re going to run out of toothpaste, or making sure you don’t forget that appointment you can’t afford to miss.
Working Ahead Of Time To Get Ready For The Day
Cleaning up around the house doesn’t just involve what other people will see. It involves a lot of background thinking and organising that takes place way ahead of time in your head.
You think about the fact that your cereal is getting low. You keep track of whose clothes need to be washed so they’ll have clean uniforms for each day. You know when the trash goes out, when the towels need to get washed, when the fridge needs to be wiped down, etc…
Each of those activities may be somewhat trivial, but since they seem so insignificant by themselves, other members of your household may easily overlook how much they weigh upon you collectively.
How Cleanliness At Home Can Feel So Heavy.
Just because your home appears relatively organised and manageable, it does not mean you are not feeling overworked. This is because most homes have two layers of messy activity. First, there is the mess of physical objects. Second, underneath this layer lies the clutter of decision-making, remembering, observing, organisation, and adjustments.
When you are doing dishes, you’re thinking about dinner. When you’re picking up toys, you’re trying to figure out whether your children need a new toy box for their play area. When you put away laundry, you’re double-checking to ensure your kids haven’t outgrown anything.
All of these things fall into the category of “mental load.” Most of us grow accustomed to carrying this mental weight without even realising it exists because it usually stems from caring about our loved ones. We want our home to feel like a safe haven with a calming atmosphere. However, we shouldn’t have to carry this burden alone.
Organising Yourself Is Not About Creating Perfection.
You do not need the ultimate organisational routine at home. What you need is a routine that eliminates several items from your daily choices.
Having a common grocery list can prevent many memories of grocery lists from existing. Having a weekly reset (or whatever interval works best) provides a structure for tasks that are floating around in your mind. Using a family calendar makes it possible for everyone to see appointments, birthdays, school events, and reminders related to them.
Even creating designated areas for things like keys, bags, shoes, and papers can minimise the amount of time spent searching for misplaced items. Some families use outside resources (cleaning services) to allow them to focus on the tasks that only they can accomplish instead of having to do all of the chores themselves.
Making Things Obvious Makes Sharing Easier
The mental load is easier to divide once it has been acknowledged. Rather than asking for assistance with general terms (“I need help”), you could describe exactly what you’re keeping track of. Meals. Clothing. Birthdays. School forms. Cleaning. Pets. Maintenance. These are not big issues individually; however, they create constant concerns that continue.
More than hard work keeps a house together. Attention holds a house together. Give yourself permission to take breaks from your own attention, too.
